ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN: PSYCHEDELIC SPECIAL!

by Alfonzo Post to Twitter

Welcome my sexy multi - coloured minions! You know, just the other day, my good friend Peter Stringfellow said to me, he said "Alfonzo! How do you manage to listen to so many demos yet simultaneously live the life of a ladies man?" To which I said "MMMMM - mmmmm- MMMMM" and Peter says "What Alfonzo I cannot hear you!" and I said "MMMM - mmmm!!" - and Peter, at first he scratched his toupe, but then he realise that I am buried under a sea of demos and that I cannot find an air pocket to communicate through! He went home after that.

This week we will be ploughing through the psychedelic side of the demo kitchen, and investigating some of the strangest and most voodoo acts I've ever come across in my whole one month of running this column! In the meantime, keep sending your exotic masterpieces over, as none of them end up in my bin. I swear! Er.... well maybe one or two of them do, after I've listened to them. What? You'll tell Greenpeace that I don't recycle them? But I will in the future! I promise! Er.... WOOOOO - HOOOOOO!!

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The singer in BO PEPPER is allegedley a furry puppet with red antlers. Hmmm! Could this be true? I'll have to ask Mamma. But even once you've accepted that the furry thing IS the singer, the music is great! Like St Etienne rubbing sun tan lotion over T-Rex on a crowded beach. Ahem.
RATING: BANANA MILKSHAKE

Another band in the 'Death Pop' phenomenem that is taking over London, THE BUMPS may or may not be 'real', but either way make genius pop tunes that recall 1960s sex movies, Dastardly and Mutley, and Jim Morrison's love poems. They even have a song called 'Death Moth' that is played entirely in reverse!
RATING: LCD TAINTED SUGAR CUBES

YES POP have been mauling me by post, email and morse code so it's only fair I introduce you to the "inventers of nursery pop". But what are they like? Well, you know the Mad Hatters tea Party? It's like that but with just Sunny Delight on the table. Nothing else. You've gone too far this time Yes Pop!
RATING: PROFENE PLUS

And now, a WORLD EXCLUSIVE! I'm proud to say this is the first band in the world that "only bats can hear"! What? What do you mean I'm believing crazy press releases again? OK ok, I admit that I can hear them and I am not a bat. HEXICON make the sound of mellow hillbillies tripping in the countryside. My favourite group to mong to!
RATING: MUSHROOM BROTH

Finally, it says here that COWMAN was a milk man who fell into a vat of genetically modified milk, and mutated into a human cow that plays techno music. Hmmm. Mamma says I should not believe this press release! No matter how deformed you are though, there is no excuse for music that sounds as appealing as an orange pair of trousers!
RATING: ROYALE WITH CHEESE

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ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN IS NOW OPEN! SEND UNSIGNED DEMOS AND ORIGINAL RECIPES TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:

OR IF YOU REALLY ARE A LAZY BONES JUST MYSPACE HIM AT
www.myspace.com/alfonzosdemokitchen