ALFONZO'S DEMO KITCHEN IV: THE REVENGE

Hey! Pssst! Buddies! Come with me now, but be quiet - Mrs Alfonzo is sleeping! That's it... down the hall... mind the creaky floorboard... yes be quiet going past this room too- the other Mrs Alfonzo is sleeping in that one.... nearly there... hey! There's my pet hamster, what is he doing running around at night... YOU LITTLE CRETIN! Uh.... hmmm I should be quiet... the third Mrs Alfonzo is sleeping in that room... and... hoopla- OK!

You have made it to the Amazing Kitchen of the Demos! As if you don't know by now, I am Alfonzo Mozerrelli and I will be making special recipes whilst listening to your unsigned ravings and cravings! So sit down, add a bit of spice - NOT TOO MUCH! - and lick your lips while I dig through this weeks demos....

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Wired Desire: kinky bastards

First up, here's a band that will make all you Kooksy London groups look like the indie pussies you really are! WIRED DESIRE are the real rebel motorcycle club (being good buddies with the UK biking scene) and headliners of tattoo festivals nationwide! These guys work for their hamburgers you student pussies! And, they... er... sound like Guns 'N Roses. Yee ha!
RATING: STEAMING HOT DOGS

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She has spooky witchcraft in Cornwall kind of vibes! She is STACEY DE LOOZE and her EP is bushier than Kate Bush hiding in a bush to escape from the Monsters from Planet Bush! Yet somehow she transcends the Bush! How can this be?? Either way, spanking electrofolk fun.
RATING: WILD BERRY PIE

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It's been too long since I heard a band that sounds like T Rex sucking up the entire galaxy through a huge straw, but hey! CARLIS STAR do the trick first time! Dandy Warholian vocals chant the phrase "Let's get drunk" over strangely masculine glitter rock. What more do you want?
RATING: POTTED GOOSE

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Teenage Symphony: inventors
of the 'Nu-hymn' genre

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Not alot is known about TEENAGE SYMPHONY except that they play the glockenspiel, and they live in Texas. I know, I know- what the hell is a glockenspiel?? Beats me! But if you've ever listened to the Beach Boys in a wind tunnel and enjoyed the experience, you'll like these guys too. Showing a similar flair to the Arcade Fire at their most experimental, Teenage Symphony sound like a Church Cult, insular in their madness - but strangely inviting too...
RATING: HOLY WATER WITH KIORA

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And finally! Pavement fans watch the skies, it's alt rock in the shape of GOOBLAR. These guys have a smirky, amusing slant on things, and a crunchy sound that would go well in a hardcore salad dish. The excellent 'Uh Oh' in particular sounds like Frank Black fronting a deranged Weezer, and deserves to be playlisted at all the summer barbeques this summer! In the summer! All summer! Yipeeeeeeee!!!!
RATING: KANGAROO & BASIL BOLOGNAISE

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ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN IS NOW OPEN! SEND UNSIGNED DEMOS AND ORIGINAL RECIPES TO THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:

ALFONZOS DEMO KITCHEN
5 VICTORIA MANSIONS
133 HOLLOWAY ROAD
LONDON
N7 8LZ

OR IF YOU ARE A LAZY BONES JUST MAKE BUDDIES WITH HIM AT
ALFONZOS DEMO MYSPACE